When I think about high school, my first reaction is always to say that I hated it. But when I really sit and think about it (which is almost never), I figure...I didn't hate it, but I sure as hell would never do it again. I had a good time with my friends, for the most part. I did some stupid things that I would probably (definitely) do differently if I had to do it again. I've never been good with keeping friends. My friendships in high school kind of cycled, because I would be good friends with someone one year, and then I'd do something stupid and then wouldn't really talk to them much outside of normal school stuff the next year. That happened pretty much every year and I lost out on a lot of good friendships by being a crappy friend.

Anyway, the reason I was thinking about high school is because Anthony's little brother just graduated from high school, and every time I see him with his friends, I say a silent prayer of thanks that I was not like them. My friends and I basically had the same routine all the time. When school was in session we'd hang out after school - we'd go and get food and then hang out at someone's house and watch a movie or tv or something. On the weekends we'd maybe go bowling or hang out and we'd usually stay the night at someone's house and just stay up watching movies and hanging out. Yeah, we did a lot of random stuff, and we were weird, but we had a good time. In the summers, we'd try and fit in hanging out in between all our shifts at work. I had it kind of easy, because for most of high school, I worked with some of my best friends. We were always pretty busy in the summers, but we found time to hang out. I wasn't really friends with the people who would go out and party on the weekends, and I remember hearing stories about it in class on Mondays and remember thinking...seriously? I guess we just had our own fun without drinking. I also guess that if my friends did drink, it was when I was busy being an asshole and ditching them, or hanging out with other people.

Anyway, this whole thing came about because Anthony's brother is the kind of person I hated in high school. They're the obnoxious athlete kids who always talk about hooking up and getting wasted and who constantly say things like "THESE ARE ALWAYS GONNA BE THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE" and "DUDE I WOULD STAY IN HIGH SCHOOL FOREVER IF I COULD!!!" They schedule work around hanging out, instead of the opposite. They quit jobs because they won't have enough time to hang out with their friends, even when the job is like 20 hrs/wk. They go to parties and lie to their parents about drinking, which is what I think annoys me most. I just don't understand lying to your parents, especially when your parents aren't idiots. They know "tent part" = "drinking" and when you leave, you just look like an idiot because your mom and dad make fun of you behind your back. I don't know. I get annoyed by a lot of things, and high school kids who get wasted and act like big tough assholes are right at the top of my list of annoying things.

Plus they have a habit of terrorizing my dog, and that really pisses me off.

We're hoping to move out in a few months. We have another place to live, but we're currently living here (with Anthony's family) until we get the job situation all worked out. Once that gets all finalized, we're hoping to move into the new house. We'll still be in the same city, just living alone. Which will be amazing. For now we're just waiting. I put in about 10 applications/resumes every day, and haven't had much luck. I go Sunday for a second interview (already had a phone interview) so I'm hoping that works out. Anthony starts his year with AmeriCorp at the end of July, so at least his days will be full and he'll have a job, even though that job is volunteering. I'm proud of him for doing AmeriCorp, because I was too much of a weenie to apply.

And now...Lily!

my life is full of movies and bonfires (and job applications and resumes but those are significantly less fun)

I know I already posted that the wedding was good, but for some more info...

I stayed with my bridesmaids Friday night, so we got up early on Saturday and got ready. We went and got hair and makeup done, and then went to the church (with a pitstop at McDonalds for cheeseburgers) to get dressed and wait for the ceremony. There were so many people there! People have been putting pictures up on facebook, so I'm real happy about that. Anyway, the ceremony was short (as short as a Catholic wedding can be) and I have heard nothing but compliments about our priest. I smiled through the whole thing, and Anthony cried. Winning team.

We left the ceremony and got on our sweet limobus to go take pictures. We went down to the Cleveland Art Museum and took pictures there, but it started raining (BOOOOOO) so we only really went to Browns Stadium for the boys to take an Anchorman-jumping picture for the last outdoor picture. We went back to Anthony's aunt's house to take some indoor pictures in her fancy living room. On the way, we stopped at Burger King so the guys (and girls) could pee and so we could all get some food, cuz we were starving. It was hilarious to walk into BK in my wedding dress and with all the guys in tuxes and the girls in their fancy dresses. We all got crowns so that was nice. We took indoor pictures at Aunt T's house, and then headed back in the bus to go to the reception. Of course it stopped raining as soon as we got there.

The reception was nothing short of perfect. We had 200 people come, which was exactly what we wanted. The food was good (again, lots of compliments) and the band was amazing. Our friends and family got out there and danced for 4 straight hours, which was good and super fun. I just can't say enough good things about the day. I am too tired right now to post pictures, but I will...hopefully.

We spent Sunday with our family, just sitting around and opening gifts and eating and hanging out. It was good to just spend time with them.

Monday we left for our honeymoon in the Dominican Republic. It was good, but rained the whole time. We went snorkeling and swam with sharks and stingrays. AWESOME. Then a hiphop festival came to the resort on Thursday, so it was...a little ghetto from there till the end. All in all, a great time.

Now we're back..starting real life.

wedding was yesterday, it was perfect :)

My amazing bridesmaids took me out on Friday for an afternoon at a spa for my bachelorette party. I got a manicure and a pedicure, which was awesome. I've never had anything like that before, so an entire afternoon of being pampered was pretty much the best. Then we went out for dinner and then had cake and drinks. AWESOME.

Less than one week till the wedding...holy wow.

Soooo, I am getting married in less than a month. Seriously, where did all the time go? It seems like we just got engaged a little bit ago, but it was over a year ago. Things are really coming together. It's kind of crazy sometimes to think that in less than a month, I will be married.

Also? GO CAVS!!!

That is all.

Yesterday was probably the best birthday I've had. I didn't really think it was going to be as awesome as it turned out to be, mostly because I got an estimate on fixing the brakes for my car, which is a ridiculous amount of money (wheel bearings are missing and blah blah blah) and that had me in a super bad mood.

Anthony's friend John is my birthday buddy. We share the same birthday, and he tends to call me "the other fish to [his] pisces" which makes me laugh. Anyway, we wanted to do something awesome for our birthday, and we definitely did. We went to a St Patrick's day party at some guy's house, and it was insane. The guy who lived there had ordered pizza...from Chicago. He had it shipped to his house via UPS (it was frozen) and it was the most amazing pizza I've had....almost ever. And the guy was just crazy. I tried to take a picture with my cell phone but I couldn't be sneaky enough. He had green face paint, a green silk jacket with tails, a huge green top hat, and I'm serious, about 50 beaded necklaces. He walked around giving everyone beer and Jameson, and the people there were out of control. I had to herd the guys out around 7 because we had dinner reservations and had to go pick up our other friends, plus we wanted time to relax (mostly so the guys could stop being drunk).

We finally got back to Anthony's and watched 30 Rock, then left for dinner. We had reservations at one of those Japanese steakhouses where the cook right in front of you. Six of us went (I finally wasn't the only girl) and were joined by two random people. It was delicious and hilarious. A group of eight black ladies were sitting at the table across from us, and it was one of their birthdays too. We all did sake bombs (except for Joel, he was being kind of a pansy haha) and had a loud, good time. The birthday girl at the other table sent a drink over to me, which was awesome and something I've never seen done in real life. The server also brought out birthday desserts for John and me, which we shared with our friends. It was amazing and I had a great time.

We came back and hung out and had a little bit to drink. Anthony's brother was working on a 48 hour shootout and they were all filming for the movie till 7 this morning, but I went to sleep at 2. Dang dog keeps waking me up at ungodly hours of the morning.

Two months till the wedding...wow

Here is a link to my facebook album of engagement pictures. I just posted some that I really like :)

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2302395&l=e82c7&id=12302540

blah, i never have anything to say. winter is here and i hate it. tonight we saw streetlight manifesto and reel big fish. good show. i got a gym membership. an hour every day on the elliptical. or else tae bo in my living room. now maybe my supervisor at work will not tell me my ass looks huge. can't wait to get out of there.

This was my first Christmas away from home. I still had a great time and I know that from now on it will be different, but it was just a little strange. Next year Anthony and I will be our own family (...still trying to process this whole getting married thing) so I guess this year was like a practice run. Thankfully we are going to Florida on Thursday because my aunt is getting married, so I'll have a chance to see my family and celebrate. For as much as I miss them, I am eternally grateful for Anthony's family and how they have kind of adopted me. So far, Christmas has been pretty good to me. From Anthony's parents I got a cookbook, some lotion, a digital picture keychain, a homemade sweatshirt (everyone got one, I felt like a Weasley) and a mini whipper from Pampered Chef. Anthony got me a Browns jersey, an Indians tshirt, and s4 of The Office. His sister got me some big towels. Also, Lily got a shirt, two squeaky toys and some treats.

Anyway, I don't have any water at my house because last weekend our power went out and my pipes froze, then subsequently burst. I feel like such a freaking hobo. I think we are fixing the pipes tomorrow so I will actually be able to shower at home and do my dishes and cook real food. I can't wait till my life isn't in shambles anymore.

We went to the movies last night and saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I liked it a lot but Anthony thought there was too much dialogue. The most annoying parts were the five times cell phones rang from all the people sitting around us. I HATE when people don't turn their phones off at the movies.

Also, I did not have to work today, but we had a mandatory employee meeting so I had to go back just for that. It was an hour and a half of people bitching about problems with management and lazy coworkers. One of the ladies in my session used the word "scuttlebutt" seven different times. I sat in the back with two of the guys and tried not to laugh. Instead, we talked about how we felt bad for the mediator of the meeting, because he had to listen to stupid people bitching about nothing all day long. Work can suck it sometimes.

I am still thawing out from the football game this afternoon. Sitting in the 10 degree weather (with windchill up to -15!!) to watch the Browns get shut out by the Bengals???? At least the company was great and we all had fun.

It's been 3 years and I still miss my grandma every day. I love you, Nana.

I got a dog! I have been wanting one for a while and recently decided to actually get one instead of just talking about it. I went to the Humane Society but they didn't have anything there that I wanted, so I went to the pound and got the cutest dog! She's a terrier mix, part jack russel and part rat terrier. Her name is Lily :)

Ben Folds tonight!!! I can't wait :)

Also? John McCain, I am NOT your friend. Stop saying I am.

Living alone is definitely not all it's cracked up to be. I talk to myself a lot, and each day brings an increasing desire to get a pet, but I'm allergic to dogs and don't really like cats. I would get a fish, but I don't think it would respond to my constant chatter in the same way. When I'm not working, I divide my time between going on walks, talking on the phone and watching television. It's kind of a sad life. I left work early the other day so I could be home in time to see The Office. I don't think that's very healthy behavior, but I need happy moments in my day, so whatever.

I went down to OU for the weekend because it was Homecoming. I rode down with Anthony's parents and it was a good trip, for the most part. I enjoyed spending time with them and it was great to see Anthony. I also really liked seeing my friends from school. I was never really close with a huge group of people.
-Freshmen year, I was really close to a group of girls, but then they got mad when I started hanging out with other people. We had a pretty big argument, and throughout the rest of college, our friendships were never really the same. After the girls, I had a group of 5 other people I hung out with nonstop. It was awesome and we did pretty much everything together. I loved being so close to them and sometimes I really miss those friendships.
-Sophomore year I was unbelievably close to my roommate. We hadn't really talked a lot before rooming together, but after a few days we were basically best friends. We would stay up till 5am talking and watching Three's Company. She knew everything about me and I really regret that things happened and we grew apart.
-Junior year was a terrible year, probably the lowest year in my life. I cut myself off from all my friends and went through a huge depression. I still go through times like this but I find better ways to deal with my problems. I stayed in my room constantly and had HUGE mood swings on a frequent basis. I would go through low periods lasting 3-6 days and do nothing but listen to music (I still can't listen to The Killers without feeling a knot in my stomach. I listened to that cd on repeat for 4 months whenever I was sad and now only associate horrible memories with it.) and sleep. My manic phases would always be about 2-4 days and I'd stay awake the whole time. I would feel invincible, like anything at all was possible. I'd walk all over town and do a month's worth of homework. Inevitably, I would have a huge crash after a few sleepless days and then the cycle would repeat. I did some things that year that I don't like, but I can't change it now. I almost didn't come back to school after this year.
-My fourth year I spent a lot of time with my friends Erin and Lori. Before I started school that year, I told myself that whenever I got down, I would call a friend and not let myself just sit around along. They were always there and were huge helps whenever I got sad. I don't think I ever told them how much they helped me that year. I should do that. I also met Anthony that year, which is the single best thing that has ever happened to me. I suppose the only down side is that I spent a lot of time with him and less time with other friends. But really, all my friends (except for Lori and Erin) had stopped calling me the year before, so it didn't really matter.
-I guess after that, I divided my time between hanging out with Anthony and hanging out with my TBS (my sorority) friends. I was close to quite a few of them, especially this past year. I also feel lucky to have my friend Dave, who was the first person I met when I moved to OU. We were never really in a group of friends together, but he is the one person who has known me since the day I moved down to OU and thankfully we still talk today. He lives near me now and we still hang out about once a week.

Anyway, all that means is that when I went back for Homecoming this year, it was weird because I didn't really have a group of friends to sit around and talk to. It was kind of sad seeing all the people I've been friends with and their groups of friends, but I don't fit in with any of them. I don't know why I thought it would be different, but it wasn't.

I got a job. It's not bad, but it's definitely not good.

Not having TV or Internet is reallllllllllly starting to suck.

I hate that I can't sleep anymore. The last time I had such a hard time sleeping was the summer my stepdad died. Things at home were crazy and I was still working 75 hour weeks. I would stay up until 6am; I had all the best infomercials memorized. It was the summer I watched Newsies 34 times in three weeks because it provided me with something constant. I would sleep for an hour and a half or two hours every night. I slept on the floor of the living room because I couldn't make myself fall asleep anywhere else.

This summer, no one has died. I simply get into my makeshift bed and feel overcome with worry and sadness. I stress out about the dumbest things, things I can't remember during the day but once midnight passes, they gnaw at my brain until I feel like crying. I hate crying, because I hate feeling weak. I am getting better at not being like that. I don't have to worry anymore that I will be punished for crying. Fifteen years later and I'm still worrying about that. I'm sure that's healthy. I hate feel empty and alone. I know I am loved but lately I feel very underappreciated.

This is stupid.